I've mentioned before how difficult prayer is for me. I wasn't really taught how to pray. Growing up Catholic I had specific prayers to say but it wasn't the same as really reaching out to HaShem. I would go to confession and say the Our Father and my Hail Marys. But I never understood that Yeshua was teaching us how to pray and that the Our Father is an example of how we should pray. I never really learned from the prayers. So I find my self struggling day to day and when I really need to reach out. I try to make prayer a priority but I'm not so great at it. I've come a long way but I'm not where I would like to be. I'm the kind of person that just likes to arrive, so the journey can be a bit frustrating. Despite my struggles with set prayers, the idea of a siddur (prayer book) appeals to me; I think its the use of the set prayers to get your mind right for your own prayers. I started to make my own siddur, but, I don't know for some reason that didn't help me. I have a pocket NT that has Psalms and Proverbs, so I wrote down a list of Tehillim (Psalms) to be recited for specific occasions and began using that to recite psalms before diving into my supplications. That helped me out tremendously. Which leaves me thinking that maybe I need a "real" pocket siddur. Something tangible that has prayers that I didn't make up and that makes me feel closer to YHVH.
The thought of getting a siddur leads me to my next thought which is the three daily prayers in Judaism. Something appeals to me about stopping what you're doing, no matter what it is, to pray. I haven't really made any definitive decisions about this but its something that is really on my mind.
But what about you? What is your prayer life like?
I pray all the time, but I often feel like I'm not "doing it right". Despite that, I just keep praying anyway. I have a siddur, but not having grown up in the Jewish tradition, the book is a little intimidating to me. (Back to the fear of not doing it right!) Maybe part of the problem is that I have an Orthodox siddur. Maybe a Conservative one would be less intimidating...?
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way often. Which is why I think a siddur would help. But I never really thought about whether it should be Orthodox or Conservative. I would think a Conservative one would be less intimidating, but since I don't have one I don't know. You'll have to let me know if you get a new one, and if there is a difference for you. I'm hoping to get one soon so I'll have to keep this all in mind. :o)
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