Because It Is My Life

The Prodigal Daughter by Charlie Macksey

I'm back! When I started my break I didn't know how long I would be gone. I didn't know what would become of me. I even started another blog that was private just to sort out my thought and even with that I couldn't keep it up. I've been in a place where I was trying to get to the Meat when what I really needed (and still need) was the Milk. {1 Corinthians 3:2}

HaShem has opened my eyes to so many things and with each new discovery I found myself wanting to know everything. I would stay up late and be digging and searching. My husband said several times that I was acting like I had to have all the answers right then and there. I wasn't letting the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) guide me. I was guiding me. But then one day something changed. I don't know what it was, all I can do is say that it was God, because it makes no sense. It's like one day I just woke up. I realized I can't have ANY ANSWERS until HaShem is ready for me to. I can look and look all I want but I'll only go around in circles. I realized I had lost my joy, my hope, even my faith. I was looking ahead to emptiness. And that's when out of my darkness and frustration I was called back home.

I was up one night and I decided I need to open up my Bible. I don't know why or what it was but some how I came across 2 John. Well the whole chapter just spoke to me, I was practically in tears as I felt my Abba calling me home, but what stood out to me the most was this: Look to yourselves, that we lose not those things which we have wrought, but that we receive a full reward. -2 John 1:8


"That we lose not those things which we have wrought"... That pierced me like a sword. I had been on FIRE for YHVH, speaking His word every chance I got. But something squelched that fire in me, my desire to know facts and live by the law left me with out the Spirit. I was in jeopardy of loosing the things that I had wrought! But MY Abba (yes, I know He's yours too but I'm having a moment) called me home!

I was once again reminded that I needed spirit and truth and that this walk does not fit into a little box of facts. There is no little box to check off that says I am a Torah Observant follower of Yeshua HaMoshiach (Jesus Christ) and I live a set apart life. There's either Christian or Jewish and by many standards I fit neither box. I tried to make the box fit, I tried hard, and finally I am ok with not having a neat little box to place myself in. I'm leaning on the Word, walking in the Spirit, facing the world, and shouting from the roof tops: IT IS MY LIFE!

...Set your hearts unto all the words which I testify among you this day, which ye shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law. For it is not a vain thing for you; because it is your life... -Deut 32:46-47